Solution, Good Advice, Mother's Day

Again with the run in the morning turning out to be a speed race. I did 4.5 in a little less than 35 minutes. This is way too fast, and I was in a panic at the end. I understand it is all psychological, but the weather is getting warmer, and I can't afford to give up the tranquility of a long run pace for a quick couple of miles.
I posed the issue to Alison, and she said something so damn levelheaded and succinct. "Lee Ann, you aren't yet in training for your next marathon. Why don't you just go fast??? Don't try and analyze it, go fast and call it speedwork or fartlek!". DAMN IT if she isn't on target. Why am I so afraid of pushing it so much? My husband said it is a juggling game, especially in triathlon season. One is so afraid to put one of the disciplines on the back burner, because every little bit helps. My husband, Bob, has won ten out of the last ten triathlons he has competed in (division). He is good on the swim (sometimes first, mostly second), admirable on the bike (50/50), but always smokes the run. He advised me not to negate my running, since it is my strength for now. I have to work on the bike and swim. The swim I can hold my own. The bike? I think I could do well if I could get over the fear of being in close-knit packs of cyclists. My visual disability is a big part of this fear. In a spin class I kick some ass, but on my spanking brand new Specialized...I am a big wuss.
Mother's Day and I find myself being so grateful for the love of my sweet husband, my awesome kids and my dearest friends. One of these friends doing a custom paint job/mural in Marc and Shelby's room. Sunrise, sunset is the theme. With a sun rising, the moon, and owl sleepily in a tree against the nighttime sky...I can't wait for it to be done. They are the last of the brood, and I love that their room can look like a fairy tale. My husband apologizes for the the lack of things he could gift to me on Sunday, and I just look at him in admiration and thank my stars for him. He is my hero, my greatest admiration. Words can't express how he saved me in so many ways. He is a big reason why I am the mom that I am. My family is my gift. I am amazed every day how much I look forward to watching my kids grow. Secretely, I am looking forward to a life with just me and Bob. Please don't wake me up yet.

Oh yeah, problems

I embarked on a seven and a half today. Now I have a new problem--going too fast. I actually had to stop three times to try to "psych" myself into going slower. I am thinking I am getting major potential in local races. I ran a sub-9 minute 7 miler, and it is killing me. I have to pace and remind myself what I love the most-13.1 and 26.2. I am not a sub-9 13.1 and 26.2. My legs keep going when my head says to slow down. I am not elite, I am not going to Boston (well, maybe if I qualify when I am 50). WTF? HELP!

Hang with me here.

Turkey Burgers and Barefoot Running

So I was sprinting in my S3 class today. I couldn't move very fast because my toes all get shoved around in my Asics and it sucks. So I asked the trainer if I run barefooted, and damn if I wasn't a whole bunch faster and more efficient. I can't make this a habit, because you do increase the potential for ankle rolling. I definitely don't need that. I can tell I am making progress in bicep and chest development. It may be time to up the ante in the weight and reps department. As long as I don't end up looking like "Starla", lol!! OK, an obscure reference to "Napoleon Dynamite."

I came home and I was STARVING@@@!!!@@@ Had a turkey burger on a bed of lettuce, hamburger dills and onion and mustard. I won't tell you about the german chocolate cupcakes I had last night. Did I just write that? WHOOPS! I am still hungry. Hormones and high-intensity training do not mix in the nutritional department.

Marc got kicked out of the Kid Zone for biting today. Another member of S3 says if I bite him back, that issue would go away. I don't think I can. I have to find something to get him out of his aggressive behavior. I know it has originated from being the youngest and only boy of six siblings, and he wants to break free of the coddling and doting of his big sisters. He wants his space, and he wants it now, damn it! I don't blame him. Sometimes I want to run like hell, but I would run all the more faster back home.

I blew off my run yesterday, so I have to make up for it bright and early tomorrow morning. I am going to encourage the kids to use the pool this weekend. Keeps them out of my hair, but Marc has no fear and our pool is almost 10 feet deep at the deep end. I am going to have to buy some superstar floaties!

Summer in Florida is upon us.

Blessings

I slept in a little today. I was supposed to run a fast five, but my husband's warm body and my clean sheets held me in bed for longer...I dreamed good dreams and thought how wonderful life is at this very moment. And it is a very good life.

I took my 12-year-old in for a junior high school physical and DTaP vaccine, and she is healthy and beautiful...but I wish she would keep her room clean, lol.

Mid 70's today..."cold" front, lol!!!! Gorgeous with the massive oaks dripping with Spanish Moss and the redheaded woodpeckers and Blue Jays playing tag in the front yard. Our Lowquat tree is done with fruit, and the geckos are out in force.

I have a 3 and a half pound roast beef cooking in the oven, and a fat spaghetti squash ready to be baked.

I have children who giggle and a husband who is my hero. I am the luckiest woman on earth.

OK, I got a minute....

It has been almost a year since my last 5k. I truly love a longer distance race like a half or full marathon so much more, but since participating in the S3 (explosive training) program at my gym, I decided to see if all the hard work paid off. When I first signed up for this training a couple of months ago, I noticed my long distances were suffering because my legs were so fatigued due to the excessive hamstring and glutes conditioning exercises. The trainers insisted my sprints and quick runs would improve, and that I would find a new way to utilize my legs when I get to the point that I am "breathing blood" in a race. Apparently my "quick twitch" muscles will get more active and "propel" me better toward the finish line. And eventually the long distances came back to me better than ever.
Now I am not your typical runner, I am of a bigger build...only been running consistently for about two years....I do a lot of weight training and other disciplines (I am doing a triathlon in June). I overpronate and my gait isn't as efficient as I would like. But despite these setbacks, I love to run and I won't allow the negative to invade my "zen" when I am on the road with the wind at my back. I will concede that the suicide sprints in S3 replaced my intervals, the relays were my "repeats", and the sledding we do on the field and in the gym replaced my "fastest paced" short runs. To make a long story short, I am not fast. I will never be fast, but I had it in my mind that if I could get to a place where I could maintain the sidestitch and the panic for 3.1 miles, then I certainly can wipe 15 minutes off my marathon times. This is logic to me. Please don't laugh:).
My best 5k in a race was 27:50, my best 5K on the treadmill was 26:and change. I wanted a 26:15 this weekend. I chose a local 5K that was on the small side, and the route is actually on the streets I run every week. I looked at the previous year's results, and I came to the conclusion I could have a slim chance of obtaining third place if I really put myself into this thing. I went to bed early the night before, and I set my alarm for well over an hour before my husband and I would have to leave for the race. I wanted to make sure I didn't have any GI issues, and I need to fuel up and hydrate so food and water wouldn't be scapegoats for me later when I wanted to rationalize my poor performance. My husband and I ran 2 and a half miles to the race site (which, in retrospect, supports my theory that I always do better in a race...no matter the distance...with a short warm-up run) and we took our places at the start.
I purposely downloaded the fastest songs on my iPod whether I liked them or not, and put a key song at the end of the playlist. The key song would be my warning that I wasn't going to achieve my goal. I had all the music timed out perfectly (comes back to bite me in the butt, but I digress). I would not wear my Garmin, I would not look at times, and in fact, I was going to try to avoid visualizing the mile markers (yeah, right).
The race starts and I take off like a wild woman, elbowing my way through the slower folks (although I am the one usually being elbowed). My husband disappears from my view, because he is on his way to a PR. "You are too fast," I tell myself. This is where my brain gets multiple personality disorder--"Slow Down" "NO! I can't!" "Yes, you can--just ask your legs, they will agree with me." "No, my legs feel just fine." "Are you sure"? "We HATE this song, fast forward to the next song." "No, I don't even want to waste the energy lifting up my arm and pushing the button." "This gum sucks, spit it out." "NO! I am not stopping for water, I need this gum." And it continued like this until mile 2.5, where my husband warned me not to look at the finish (I am running parallel to it and I have to cross a huge field and then one lap around a track to reach it). What do I do? I look at it. The finish line is so far away, that the brilliance from the sun would take a gazillion light years just to cast a small shadow on it.
It is at this point I knew I was going too fast, but I couldn't slow down. I had a big cramp in my side and sweat was pouring into my eyes. I remembered one of the S3 trainers saying to pull strength from the hamstrings and glutes. He said runners have overdeveloped quadriceps and that could be an undoing in a situation such as a 5K. So I focused on swinging my pelvis more and pulling from my behind. It worked. I am on the field headed for a hill that I had to climb to get to the actual track. A lady I passed before caught me in the lane next to mine. She looked to be about my age--I thought I was kissing third place good-bye. I was concentrating so hard on keeping it together for the race, I didn't really notice anyone else. My husband was on the side waving at me, but at this point I couldn't muster up the energy to even acknowledge his presence.
Then I saw it. I saw the time clock. I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought it was a mistake. 25:00? Me???? I was yards away and I had to have it. I just fight back my urge to vomit and I lengthen my stride. I am getting closer. I am there. I hear the "beep" crossing the mat, and my husband yelling, "25:32". Really? Did I really just do that? I am heaving, hands on knees...the lady who passed me up comes over and says, "Thanks for giving me that final push." I tell her, "Good race". I get some water and cheer on the other runners coming in. My husband wants to stay for the results, so we wait. We talk to other runners, I get a banana. I congratulate a 12-year-old girl who beat me by 20 seconds. My husband goes to look for the results, and this woman comes up to me and engages me in conversation. He returns with a big grin on his face. He is holding one finger up. I scream, "YOU GOT FIRST PLACE???"...."No," he says, "You do; I got third." I said, "No way!" He insists it is true.
The closest I have ever come to placing in a race was maybe 6th or 7th. I never expected first. BUT, in fairness, it was a small race...and my age division was just very kind to me that fair Saturday morning. I am COVETING my new 5k time. I don't feel that slow anymore. I received a gold medal and news that I beat the second place winner by just three seconds.
I had the best run home. I am shooting for 24 next time.

I DID IT!!! A PR AND A GOLD MEDAL

I actually want to dedicate a portion of this blog entry to that S3 class which has had me at personal odds from DAY ONE. I guess if you stay with it, it pays off...and pay off it did. This slow long distance runner participated in her first 5k in almost a year--and not only received a PR, but I got first place in my age division. Shaved better than 2 minutes off my personal best, and if I didn't have guests...I would say more....promise to do it tomorrow. I am on cloud nine.

Carrying on the Tradition

I spoke with my father yesterday. We were trying to coordinate times for his visit today, and he made mention that some of us never had the luxury of "sleeping in" and "not having to worry about our children getting off to school in the morning." He is referring a telephone call several weeks ago when he and my mother called to wish one of my children a happy birthday before she departed for school in the morning. I was half-asleep when I answered the phone and I know I sounded otherwise groggy. Mind you, my children all are very independent and get themselves dressed, fed and off to school in the morning. They have a system, and it works. And it allows me to "sleep in" until 7:30.

I told him they are good kids, and that they have an "ecosystem" within the house. Everyone knows what chores belong to whom, and that it is expected to be done before that child leaves for school in the morning (not the afternoon chores, but the simple morning chores such as making lunch and doing ponytails, etc.). He asked how I was able to do that, and I simply replied that the children were held accountable and they knew their personal responsibilities. He lamented why he couldn't ever have my brother and I to adhere to any such "system", and that I was a "lucky" person. Memory is short--my bother and I got ourselves off to school just fine, thank you. Way after my parents left for work. I then said that my youngest son was a bear, and a very difficult child to deal with whereupon he exhaled and said, "GOOD." "Good?" I replied. "How can you wish such a thing on me?" I am thinking how he could wish such a thing on anyone. He thinks I was a terrible child. I was oppositional and defiant. I was disobedient and irresponsible. I take ownership of that, absolutely. But I am also of the school of thought that children are very much the reflection of their environments and the embodiment of the examples set before them.

I refuse to blame myself for some of the behaviors my parents have assigned to me. I take personal responsibility when my own children misbehave or if they indicate a negative thought process or behavior. I am their role model, after all. But what gets me is, how you can still hold a grudge against a 38-year-old mom of six kids--4 of whom are schoolaged and all 4 on the A/B honor roll--when she is a responsible, loving mother? Why do my parents still bring up the same old shit, and feel the need to remind others of it? Don't they realize this is a direct reflection of thier own parenting skills? Still, they insist it is a genetic thing...that they had no input.

This "vagrant" young lady...Navy veteran, Registered Nurse, Happy Mother, Efficient Mother...

I have that 5K tomorrow. For once it would be nice to be a winner. But I bet if I bring home a medal, my parents would simply say, "You are going to ruin your knees."

They have never been to one of my marathons. They have never been there for any of my races.

I promise as long as I am on this earth, that I will be there for each and every one of my childrens' accomplishments if feasibly possible...and that I will at least be on the phone for them.

I am so ashamed that at my age, I still would love the support of my parents in this way. I need to learn and let it go.

Pathetic.